The Perils of Being Single in a Culturally Knitted Society
Believe me, it's a one-way ticket to the dungeon
Being single is not supposed to be gruesome, unless if you live in a place where everyone's business is everyone’s business. I have no grudges against marriage at all, especially since I am coming from a place where that was the only way you can ever hope to be born, there is zero tolerance for being born out of wedlock, if there are ever any children born that way, I have never seen them, that should tell you a lot about my society. Let’s give it a fictional name ‘Saheria’
Growing up…
Now, please don't jump into unhealthy assumptions, I grew up in a loving environment, my siblings and I had a great life, my dad is quite a liberal person, but my mom is very traditional, from a young age, I grew up hearing words like, don't sit that way because your husband will not like it, don't talk that way, sit this way, cook this way, all those things were in preparation for the grand day, the day I will be married and go and live with Mr husband, someone whose name I have been hearing all my life but who I haven't met yet.
The age of getting hitched
In secondary school or high school, my dream was to be a lawyer, but in my class, many girls already knew that they will be married in a month after secondary school, the average age was 18 in our class, there were some as young as 16. Every girl's dream was supposed to be marriage, so I was told.
Life after school
I have friends that got married a month after we finished school, some, about 3 months later, (27 Dresses is real after all, believe me, I lost count of how many times I was a bridesmaid, another story for another day) once a girl reaches 20 years old, her mother starts having nightmares, she, in turn, turns to her daughter for answers, me in this case, I had none, it's not that there were no opportunities, they came, but nothing came out of them, fast forward, my mom was so worried that her BP went high, (it is still high) I don't blame her for that, I mean, there was no breathing space for her, her life was also just as hard as mine because she is the mother of a single girl.
Dating/Courtship or whatever
In ‘Saheria’, the actual courtship takes place in the girl's family home, the guy can visit her, and then his parents can send some people over and the official process then starts, woe to any girl that didn't get to that stage in her life.
Life after graduation and as an ‘independent person
In my assumption, having a job, and a car was the right step to becoming independent, except that the word didn't exist as you many know it in Saheria, just because you can survive on your own is no license to leave home, I mean, male or female, you can only leave home when you are married, this is true for most families in our part of ‘Saheria’.
My routine as a respectable member of the society
I minded my business, I was either at home or work, there are no fun outings to the park for me, and for a reason, the harassment is nonstop wherever you see someone you know, even an old classmate, markets, wedding gatherings, mourning places, everywhere you can think of, you will find someone that wants to ask questions, this is where the real story begins.
THE PERILS…
As I stated before, young girls get groomed at an early age, and once you reach 18, family, friends, and foes alike have only one prayer once they see a single girl, and it goes like this “may we live long enough to see your wedding” that's not so harmful, right? The trick is, you are supposed to say amen to that, and you have to say it in a way that shows as a good girl, you are so enthusiastic about marriage, and then, you have to deal with the questions of family, friends, and foes all the time, everyone wants to know when the ‘knot’ will be tied.
To cut a long story short, there was no blessed day that the word marriage was not mentioned in one way or the other, the blame game, the accusations, the questions kept coming every day, some of those are from well-wishers but some can come in a way that they are outright embarrassing, but who cares about a single girl’s embarrassment? what they care about is her getting married.
When I got a better job in an academic setting, I was so happy, I felt that this was a gathering of learned people compared to my relatives and neighbors, at least they will spare me the horror and the embarrassments, but I was in for a rude shock, there were people there too that had the same questions, especially since in far and near, I was about the only single person, that says something right? Anyways, I persevered, I tried my best to stay positive and positively look at life, you know, just like those kind-hearted Gurus keep saying, but deep down in me, I was in agony, until I was pushed to the wall, I have had enough, one day, I woke up and I knew that if I ever hear someone ask about why I was single, I was going to snap, and luckily for me, or as fate would have it, that's when I got a scholarship to study in Nicosia.
Life in Nicosia…
Travel is a life changer, and Nicosia is an amazing place, here, nobody torments and harasses me about my single status, I feel like I am living in paradise and no pun intended. (More about life in Nicosia later) I eventually have to go back to ‘Saheria’ when I finish, but until then, I am enjoying the peace of living in a place where I feel free.
Lest I forget, do visit Nicosia, it is a great place to be.
